“Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.” Plato

Rule 5: The interview; knowing what to ask and what it means.

So there you are sitting across from an impossibly perfect hunk of spousal material.  All those yummy attributes you’ve always dreamed about are sitting there, in the flesh.  Starry eyed, you’re mentally flirting with words like romance, relationship and… wedding.  All the while you’re dreaming of the gorgeous children that might be produced between you and this exquisite masterpiece.  Then it hits you… Is it even possible to adequately thank the mother of this cologne smelling, mint breathing, designer pant wearing, Adonis- like, paragon?

WAKE UP! Intervention needed.  You could just be imagining it all.  He could be a jerk… maybe even leave the toilet seat up! Isn’t it time to even find out if you even like wild venison? (Pretty nasty stuff if you haven’t acquired the pallet.) 

Do not fall in love yet… Do not pass go… Even Yosemite Sam made a cute baby!  (One would think.) But really would you want to be entangled in a relationship with a swearing, temper tantrum throwing, gun shooting, graduate of the 5^th grade.  Well there’s someone for everyone… here’s to you Mrs. Sam.

In order to avoid making a serious life altering mistake here are some must ask questions.  It is recommended you have this conversation prior to selecting flowers for his mother :

1.      Are your parents still together?

a.       No.  Follow with…

What happened? (Important to get details on cheating who did it and how your prospect felt about it?)

b.      YesJ  then next…

What do they do that makes them work?

2.       How do you fight?  What happens when you get really, really angry?

a. Scream and Yell.

b. Get quiet and want to be left alone.

            It makes it easier if the two of you deal with difficulty the same.  Screamers tend to be more sympathetic to screamers.  Those who crawl into a cave for a while to figure it out tend to understand the non-confrontational types.

3.      How many children do you want to have someday?

4.      What is your idea of a dream vacation?

5.      What are your hobbies?

6.      What was the last book you read and did you like it?

7.      Where do you see yourself in ten years?

8.      Does a messy house drive you nuts?

Some people think they can ‘fix’ someone who has perceived flaws.  You cannot fix them and it’s unfair to try. 

If you can’t love someone for exactly who they are without changing anything about them… you are being unfair to yourself and to them.  You are being unfair to them because you already perceive them as sub-standard.  You are being unfair to yourself because you are settling for someone who you see as sub-standard. 

If you can honestly say that you can live with all perceived imperfections. Nobody’s perfect. This could possibly be the beginning of a conversation that could last the rest of your life…

"people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” Maya Angelou

Rule 4:  Set up your Camp

When hunters start out the first thing they do is find a place to pitch their tent.  That’s where they’ll eat and gather in between hunts.  They call it camp.  When you are in the midst of a big hunt you need a camp. 

Ideally this would be a local eatery that has charm, a friendly staff, and reasonable prices, but most of all, a wonderful atmosphere and good food.  It’s arguably the most important decision you will make other than the individual because it is so vital to your education.  Did I actually write the word education?  Oh yes… did at that.

This location would ideally have indoor and outdoor seating, a view would be a huge plus and the type of food that both of you love. . .  Your future beloved may not appreciate Italian food like you. It’s advisable to scout out several different restaurants with different options IE:  Indian, Italian, Greek, Mexican, Mediterranean etc.  Do not go to a restaurant where you hate the food, the music, the atmosphere or this process will be grueling.  It is recommended that you visit this location at least once a week… every week possible.

This will be your place; in this eatery you will discover the fabric of his character and the secret to getting into the core of his heart.  You will also over time become familiar with the staff and request your table.  Ingrain the two of you into the heart of the restaurant and make it your own. This is where you are going to ask all those important questions listed in Rule #5. 

By knowing what to ask you can find out if you are compatible, more importantly if you should stay, or run as fast as you can in the other direction.  You will look for red flags and green lights.  The important thing is that by asking the right questions you will find out if it’s safe to let yourself fall in love.

I get it. Sometimes your heart decides to make the dive before you know if there’s water in the pool.  But as an adult it’s important to guard your heart and don’t jump before you are certain that there will be two steady arms waiting to catch you, and that when you do you won’t knock him over with the sheer force of the impact.

If this relationship works out this is the restaurant you will still be visiting when you’re ninety and still holding hands.

"To love is to receive a glimpse of heaven" Suede

Rule 3:  Guidelines for the Hunt


Starting on a journey to find that perfect someone is much like preparing for a hunting expedition.  If you are planning  to capture a wild tiger or any other game, there are rules to follow as well as guidelines and restrictions professional hunters need to know. 

Basic information about this incredible beast you intend to capture is vital.  Before starting you need to know where to find your quarry, where it feeds and when.  You also need to know what your quarry likes and what he/she finds completely irresistable. 

Start with basic hunting rules to prepare yourself for your hunt:

A. This is a one tag hunt.

What that means is total for your hunt will be only one single catch.  In most areas when a hunter applies for a particular hunt they are issued tags to define how many deer etc. they are allowed to bring home.  If they are caught with more quarry than allowed, they are fined and possibly jailed.  

In this hunt you are issued only one tag, then hunting season is over, at least for you.  Try to make sure that whatever it is that you catch isn't something you'll eventually want to toss back.

B. Your quarry must be in season.

They must be single, unattached and interested in your gender, if not they are not taggable and you need to continue to look.  

Trying to make a gay man straight or vice-versa may render results in the short run, but for the long run it's lost cause and not a good lifetime match. 


C. You must hunt where your quarry is indigenous.

You wouldn't hunt for elephants in the back woods of the Ozarks... because you would never find one, and you could never get tags for one.  You could be a really good hunter, the best, and would still have to visit a zoo to find an elephant. That elephant has already been tagged.  Hunting season... over.

It's important that if you have a specific desire, and you know where to find what you are looking for, focus on that locale.  For example if you area looking for an attorney, then you need to a) go to law school or b) work around or in the court system.

D. Start early.

Most hunters start at the wee hours of the morning to begin their hunt.   They may get up at three or four. They'll find their station and sit there for hours waiting for that unsuspecting buck, dove, javalina etc..

It's important to start early... but climbing a tree at 4am because it hangs over a sidewalk where lots of cute guys walk to Starbucks--bad idea (they might think you're wierd).  Although in terms of logistics, you would find some.

As soon as you start thinking about settling down and wanting to spend your life with someone else... that's when you start.  If you keep putting it off; it won't happen. 

Now is always the best time to start.

E. Wear camouflage.

Fit into the environment where you intend to hunt.  It's important to dress the part and be a element of their world.  As an example if you are looking for a professional, dress like one.  It's going to help you accomplish your goal and get you to your soulmate sooner.  If you want to be with a professional, then be one.  

If you want to find a homeless guy (way easier)  wear a tank top, cutoffs, wrap a bottle of  whisky in a brown bag and buy a bus ticket to skid row.  Nailed it!  (If only professionals could be lured with a $5 bottle of booze.)

F. Don't forget doe scent. Important!!!

Hunters throw doe urine in an area to attract the buck.  (Cool huh?)

Notice to reader:  You are the bait!  Give away or throw out every single bottle of perfume/cologne in your house but one.  Pick your scent.  This is important because it will be uniquely you.

The important thing to know about a fragrance is, that not only does it smell heavenly, used properly it can conjure up the vision of you, the thought of you, when you aren't even there...  That is power.  Any time you can get a person to think of you... use it.  Every time your friends or that special someone smells that scent they will see you in their head.  If you wear a dozen different colognes that will not happen.

Hunting season has begun...

"I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails..." Jimmy Dean

Rule 2: Draw your road map


Typically people have an idea about the type of person they want to spend their eternity with and vaguely, where they want to spend that eternity.  This notion can be as basic as, "I want a nice person..."  to as complicated as, "I want to marry a tax accountant who earns 200k per year, with large hands, gray eyes and dark brown hair, six pack abs, and I want him to live next to a football stadium."   (The person you seek will likely have their own qualifiers.) 


If you want that really spectacular life, does it really make sense to just hope that things will fall into place, hooking you up with that hot accountant? If your philosophy is to take one day at a time you will find the days turning into weeks, weeks turning into months, etc., with little to no change.   It's important to know where you want to go and how you're going to get there.  It's important to plan.


Pretend you want to go to Bangor, Maine and you live in is San Diego, California.  It's doubtful you would just get up one morning and hope to somehow find yourself in Bangor. You might decide to fly, take the train, or maybe you are looking for a road trip.  If you decide to drive you might pull out a road map, log the information into your GPS, use mapquest, or take a friend who knows the way.  you would never just start driving without planning your route... without knowing the way.  Building a road map for life is critical for those wanting to make changes.  A road map will chart your course and get you (at least close) to the destination you desire.


To chart your course follow these steps:


I) Identify what it is you want.  For example; You live on a farm in Nebraska, but want to marry the love of your life, who would be fit, and spend your time painting scenes of a beach. 


II) Identify the obstacles:


A). You don't live near a beach.
B). Have not met the love of your life who must:
     1. love water
     2. appreciate art
     3. workout
C) Not familiar with art.


III) Create a game plan; Enroll into Art school at a campus near the beach and join the local gym.


That road map identifies how you are going to get to that destination, become that person, and a start to find the person of your dreams.

"Make the most of yourself, for that is all there is of you." Ralph Waldo Emerson

Rule 1: You must love yourself.

If you don't love you, how can anyone else?

Think about the type of person you want to spend your eternity with... Ask yourself. Would that person fight to have me, the me at this moment? If your answer is no, you have some work to do. Go on a diet, go back to school, get braces, workout... Whatever it is to make you feel like you deserve to be with your Adonis, make it happen! You must love you, if you want him to love you.

You need to be comfortable in your skin, when in soulmate seeking mode. Otherwise you will be in frog seeking mode. Frog seeking mode is when you feel like you have to settle, so you keep kissing frogs hoping that maybe they will turn into princes (they don't) and years later you wake up in bed with a warty amphibian, who is just a toad... not a prince. Guaranteed, that will not be a happy day!

One thing about Cinderella is that she was not riddled with self-doubt. Not one time did she whine that she was just a scullery maid. Nor did she ask why a prince would want to be with her, when he had his pick of princesses just waiting around for their shot. She was confident enough in herself, that not only did she feel she deserved to be with a prince, she had no doubt it would happen.

For an example let's look at the modern (not so glamorous) Cinderella, Camilla Parker Bowles. Really...  hers is the fairytale love story.   In 1970 Charles falls in love with this plain Jane, whom his parents find totally unacceptable. She marries someone else. The prince marries the beautiful Diana in 1981, whom all the world adores. In 1996 because of his love affair with Camilla, Charles and Diana get a divorce. Diana dies. Then finally, after 35 years of waiting, he marries Camilla, older, not so attractive... his true love.

The good news; chances are pretty good that you aren't looking to land a prince. The better news; Camilla, hardly a traditional beauty, was the choice of a real prince who had many other options.

Ergo; you don't have to be the most beautiful, the skinniest or the smartest person in the room, to be the most attractive. Be the best that you can be, love yourself, and everybody else will too. Then and only then will you be ready for Rule #2.

Someday My Prince Will Come... Won't he?

How often does true love come along?  Does anyone know more than one person who married their "soulmate"?  How many people find a lasting romance?  Really how many get asked out on a second or third date?  

Most expect romance, soulmates, candlelight dinners, caviar and champagne.. to just happen.  That the person they are in love with, or will someday find,  through some wild magic will understand, know and create, the fairytale love you want.  Good luck!  Wishing and hoping will not make it happen.

Finding your soulmate and creating a lifelong romance is like magic... but you are the one holding the wand.  You have control over whom you end up with, what kind of life you will have and the quality of that life.   If you know how to choose, what to do, and when... It can be the love, the romance and the life you dream about.


This blog is designed to help those who really want romance, desire to live with their soulmate and are willing to follow some simple rules to make that happen.